Supporting someone through addiction
Watching someone you love struggle with addiction is exhausting. You want to help. You want to fix it. You want the chaos to stop.
But, sometimes, “helping” can become “enabling.”
Helping is supporting someone’s long-term recovery, even when it’s uncomfortable in the short term. It encourages responsibility, accountability and professional support. It involves focusing on actions and strategies that strengthen your loved one’s capacity to cope.
Enabling is reducing the immediate consequences of addictive behaviour in ways that allow the pattern to continue. It often comes from love, fear or exhaustion — but it unfortunately protects the addiction more than the person.
Helping says: I care about you, and I won’t protect the behaviour that’s harming you.
Enabling says: I’ll absorb the fallout so you don’t have to — even if it keeps the cycle going.
The line between the two isn’t always obvious. If you recognise yourself in some enabling patterns, please don’t feel guilty. Addiction affects whole families and pulls everyone into survival mode. When things feel unpredictable, people adapt — and sometimes this looks like covering, fixing, and smoothing things over. But it’s not too late to change course.
Start with these truths: You didn’t create the addiction. You can’t cure it. And you are not responsible for another adult’s choices.
What you can do is shift toward support that protects both of you.
Encourage professional help, even if they resist.
Refuse to provide money that fuels the behaviour.
Be clear about what you will and won’t tolerate in your home.
Follow through on boundaries calmly and consistently.
Seek counselling or peer support for yourself.
Supporting someone through addiction requires resilience of your own. It’s emotionally draining. It can create anxiety, hypervigilance and burnout. Protecting your wellbeing isn’t selfish — it’s necessary.
If you’re in New Zealand, you can access:
Gambling Helpline NZ – 0800 654 655
Alcohol Drug Helpline – 0800 787 797 or text 8681
1737 (call or text) for free mental health support
If you’re in Australia:
Lifeline – 13 11 14
Gambling Help Online – 1800 858 858
DirectLine (alcohol & drugs) – 1800 888 236
These services aren’t only for the person struggling with addiction. They’re for families and friends too.