The holidays are usually the bright spot on the horizon that we look forward to for a long time.
But, after a busy and challenging year, we might find ourselves not so much elated as exhausted, when they finally arrive.
Instead of feeling relaxed we may remain anxious or uptight - with residual tension in the body or a racing mind.
This can bring a sense of disappointment - we expected to be feeling great but we don’t.
The reality is that even after a stressful period is over, it takes time to unwind both physically and mentally.
We need to give ourselves some space to slow down, particularly if we’ve been rushing for the past few weeks.
Trying to be more present in the moment is a good place to start.
Enjoy that you can sip slowly on your coffee in the morning. Go for a walk and take your time, really notice what’s around you. If you can, head to green or blue spaces like the bush or the beach.
Go slow on the activities you enjoy. Even daily tasks like cooking can be an opportunity to really connect with your senses. As you’re preparing a meal, notice the aromas, the taste, the colours and textures of what you’re making. Then sit down, eat slowly and really savour the experience.
Exercise is another action that helps us recover from stress. Even when we’re tired, a bit of movement can give us a burst of endorphins which helps to lift our mood.
Make sure you also sleep when you need to. Holidays are made for taking afternoon naps. Give your body and mind a chance to recover from a busy period.
Most importantly, don’t feel bad if it takes time to unwind. As you start to relax there may be different emotions that come up for you. This can be challenging, so let’s look at what helps.
Having down time and a chance to reflect on the year that’s been can bring with it mixed emotions. Uncomfortable feelings that you might have pushed aside while you were busy can come to the fore.
You may have the impulse to try and suppress these feelings somehow or find a way to avoid them.
But attempting to run from them takes lots of energy, and in the end they often find you.
How about instead just trying to let them be?
As much as we might prefer not to feel anger, sadness, hurt or disappointment they are all part of the human experience.
We don’t need to judge these emotions as bad or think that we shouldn’t be experiencing them. It’s actually ok that they are here.
In fact, they may even be helpful messengers. They might let us know that there are issues we need to address, or things we want to change or do differently next time.
See if you can breathe through them, taking slow, deep breaths in and out of your belly.
Try to name them and ask yourself, “Am I struggling against these experiences, or being open to them?”
It’s helpful to remember that even though they can feel overwhelming, our emotions come and go. Like waves, they ebb and flow. They won’t last forever.
And by letting ourselves feel all of them, we’ll be more open to the pleasant ones like happiness and joy too.
Now let’s look at another part of the holiday experience that can bring mixed feelings - family time.
Feeling connected to the people around us is a big part of mental wellbeing.
When we feel supported and have a sense of belonging it can help us to thrive in many areas of our lives.
In the midst of busy times, however, we might find ourselves focussing on pressing commitments and having less time to tend to our relationships.
The holidays can be a great time to reconnect with the people we care about and there are lots of wonderful ways to do that.
See if you can start to prioritise fun and laughter.
Think about group activities like playing board games or charades, telling stories, singing or dancing together. It’s these types of shared activities that can have a powerful effect on our sense of connectedness.
It’s no surprise that looking at our phones does not enhance bonding time so put them aside and give each other your full attention.
Really listening to people and looking into their eyes helps to boost that sense of human connection and the feel-good brain chemical oxytocin.
Of course, not all family occasions are joyous. If difficult family members mean that holiday events are stressful for you, then you’ll find advice for how to handle that here.
If things don’t go well it can help to reach out to someone else you love and trust. Debriefing afterwards with someone who understands you will help you feel supported.
As well as spending time with loved ones, the holidays are also a great time to reconnect with ourselves. Let’s look at how we can take stock and celebrate how far we’ve come.
When was the last time you celebrated you? Have you thought about your successes and congratulated yourself for the things you’ve achieved - both big and small?
It’s great if we can do this on a regular basis, but the end of the year is an especially good time for taking stock.
When we’re less distracted and feeling rested, we can pause and make space for deeper self reflection.
Focussing on our wins is important because for many of us, this habit doesn’t come naturally.
In fact, our brains often have what’s known as the ‘negativity bias’ - meaning we’re more inclined to notice the times we feel we got things wrong.
It’s an evolutionary process that may have helped to keep our ancestors safe, but makes it important for us to tune in to the positives now.
This process is not about trying to convince ourselves that everything we do is perfect.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Recognising and accepting both of these is part of embracing the whole amazing package that is each of us.
When we understand who we are and what we’re good at, we can let that guide us on how we spend our time and what we give our energy to.
We’re better placed to operate according to our strengths, as well as our personal values.
This is so important because having a strong sense of meaning and purpose is a key part of mental wellbeing and can help to protect us from issues like burnout and depression.
Finally, can you give some time to gratitude? Notice the good things in your life and let the good feelings follow.
Practising gratitude is another great way to build resilience and set us up for the new year ahead.