Having healthy boundaries is so important for wellbeing.
When you have healthy boundaries, you’re more likely to:
Have better relationships at work and home
Notice improvements in mood and overall life satisfaction
Have more energy and time for things you enjoy
Enjoy higher levels of self-esteem and self-efficacy
Prioritise self-care such as sleep, movement, and nutrition
Feel more resilient in times of stress or hardship
So, what counts as a healthy boundary? And how can you create better boundaries in both your personal and professional life? This Groov guide is for you!
Healthy boundaries are protective, says Groov VP Clinical Dr Fiona Crichton.
“Creating healthy boundaries is about setting limits in relationships to protect your values and your wellbeing,” she explains.
For example, if one of your values is family time, you might set a limit to protect Sunday afternoons so you’re available to your loved ones.
Boundaries also help to manage other people’s expectations of you and your time.
“Having clear boundaries operates as guidance for others about how you want to be treated, and what is acceptable or not acceptable for you,” adds Dr Fiona.
There are many different types of boundaries. Here are Dr Fiona’s five most important types of boundaries for wellbeing.
1. Physical
Physical boundaries are about protecting your personal space, your body, your right to privacy, and your right not to be touched or to be touched in a way that feels comfortable.
An example of setting a physical boundary might be “I’m not a hugger, but happy with a high five”.
2. Emotional
Emotional boundaries provide the ability to witness other people’s emotions without adopting them yourself or taking responsibility to react to, fix, or solve them.
An example of an emotional boundary might be “I hear you’re annoyed about the direction the business is taking, but I’m excited”.
3. Mental
Mental boundaries are about having the freedom to have your own thoughts, values, and opinions.
So you might say “I see it differently, here’s what I believe”.
4. Material
Material boundaries protect your right to make decisions about how you spend your money, your right to be paid by your employer as agreed, and the right not to give away or lend your money or possessions if you don’t wish to.
In this case, you might say something like “happy to help in other ways, but I don’t lend money to family or friends”.
5. Time
Time boundaries protect how you spend your time. They prevent you from agreeing to do things you don’t want to do, they help with work/life balance, and they allow you to timebox activities in a way that works for you.
An example of a time boundary might be “I’ll come for the first half an hour, but I really need an early night so I’m going to head home at 7:30”.
According to Dr Fiona, there are three components to effectively setting healthy boundaries: self-awareness, assertiveness, and clarity.
Be self-aware
For self-awareness, you need to be able to tap into your own values and preferences.
Be assertive
Assertiveness is about being able to advocate for the things that matter to you. This may feel difficult.
These are common feelings – they can be particularly strong if in childhood expressing needs or wants was viewed as selfish or bad.
To be assertive, you need to express your needs openly and respectfully. It’s not a question, it’s a statement of fact – “this is what I need to feel valued and to protect my wellbeing”.
If stating your needs triggers uncomfortable feelings or fears, that’s OK. Accept the discomfort – it will pass.
Be clear
Finally, you need to be able to express your boundaries clearly. People are not mind readers, and may not pick up on subtle signs that things are making you uncomfortable. You can’t presume that people will work out your limits.
So be as clear and straightforward as possible. You may find it helpful to communicate your boundaries in writing or to practise saying them out loud before you share them with others.
Not everyone will understand or respect your boundaries. Honouring your boundaries in these situations can feel uncomfortable. Here are some tips to help you hold steady.
Remember that boundaries are self-care
It’s better to honour your boundaries than to feel resentful towards others
You’re entitled to protect your own time and energy
Boundaries are personal to you, there’s no need to explain your rationale if you don't want to
Work boundaries have different challenges. In work situations, it can be helpful to focus on what you can control (the Worry Map is great for this).
You might not be able to control your hours of work, place of work, or role title. But can you weave pockets of deep breathing, stretching, or quiet time into your working day to protect your energy?
Another example is putting boundaries around your personal life when you’re off-the-clock. Can you switch off work notifications on the weekend and in the evenings?
Boundaries at work require some flexibility and compromise, but start with what you can control and go from there.
If you remember just one thing from this Groov guide: boundaries are a gift!