Why it’s common to feel “lonely together” — and what to do about it
You can spend all day around other people and still feel lonely at work. That’s because proximity doesn’t automatically lead to connection. You can sit beside someone, talk to them throughout the day and still know very little about each other.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. One in five employees worldwide say they feel lonely at work. This is a pretty disheartening statistic when you think about how much of our lives we spend working. This stat also shows that even if your own social cup is pretty full, that might not be true for the person sitting next to you.
This year’s Mental Health Awareness Week is all about Belonging — so it’s a good nudge to reflect on your workplace connections. Do you feel like you belong? And do the people around you feel the same?
First, let’s take a little look at the research, which shows that workplace connection is more than just a nice idea — it can actually have a direct link to how you perform.
A systematic review and meta-analysis of 49 studies found workplace loneliness was associated with greater burnout, lower job satisfaction and poorer job performance. It was also linked with poorer relationships between workers and managers.
But if you feel connected to people at work — even just one person — it can have the opposite effect. As Harvard Business Review puts it, a friend at work can provide a basic sense that “someone’s got your back”.
Workplaces are weird social spaces, when you stop to think about it. You want to feel close to colleagues, but also maintain a professional distance. Sometimes it can feel like walking a fine line — how much do you share? How much do you open up?
There isn’t one easy answer, as it depends on your personality, comfort levels, and even the culture of your workplace. But for the purposes of this article, think of workplace connection as feeling like you have a handful of colleagues you can talk to about something other than work. Conversations don’t have to be deep — maybe with one colleague, you talk about the rugby score, and with another, the weather. It’s about having at least a few people you feel comfortable around, even if that friendship never extends beyond the office.
If you are feeling like you’d appreciate having a few more colleagues in your corner, here are some ideas to build stronger connections at work.
Sending a Slack or Teams message may take less time than a phone call or taking a walk with a colleague. But what’s the opportunity cost? Sometimes, the more inefficient option can be better in the long-term.
Be the person who asks the question first. What did you get up to on the weekend? How’s the new house? How did your kid’s tournament go? You don’t need to pry — just show some curiosity about the person behind the job.
Sharing small details about your own life can give other people an opening to connect with you, too. It doesn’t need to be personal — even starting a meeting with “Man, puppy training is hard” gives the conversation somewhere to go.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to have meaningful conversations. It’s fine to start with the weather, what you watched last night or what you’re having for lunch. Small talk gives you a low-pressure way to get to know someone — and can be a starting point for more connection over time.
Here are some great places to start:
How to Beat Loneliness — and Make Friends — at Work — Harvard Business Review
2 science-backed benefits of making small talk with coworkers — Fast Company
Mental Health Awareness Week — more ideas and resources for building belonging and connection