Why letting your guard down shows strength, not weakness
The word vulnerability carries a lot of baggage. Synonyms for vulnerability include at risk, endangered, unsafe, unprotected, exposed, wide open and helpless. Not traits we typically associate with strength or resilience. But that’s the vulnerability paradox: it can leave us feeling both powerless and powerful.
It’s confusing, right? How can vulnerability be both a strength and a struggle? Why does letting your guard down show strength, not weakness?
Research suggests it boils down to some simple truths:
There’s no strength without struggle.
There’s no resilience without failure.
To be vulnerable is relatable — it shows people you’re human.
Vulnerability ultimately builds trust and stronger relationships.
When you’re vulnerable around other people, you let them in. You invite teamwork. If others know you’re struggling with something, they might offer suggestions, or just a listening ear — and this can help you move through difficult situations faster. Because you know you’re not alone.
Sharing your struggles also invites others to do the same. You’ll quickly realise that even though it feels like you’re the only person in the world going through what you’re going through, that that’s simply not true. It doesn’t mean your struggles aren’t valid, or that you’re not allowed to feel sad. But it can give you perspective — and find hope that you won’t feel like this forever.
Vulnerability often follows a failure, big or small. Perhaps you messed up at work. Or maybe you said something you regret to a loved one. Maybe you tried something new and didn’t work out.
Resilience cannot exist without failure. Resilience literally means to “bounce back from setbacks.” That’s why achieving something without struggle often feels a bit hollow — it’s still worth celebrating, but it doesn’t feel quite as rewarding as achieving something after a few scratches and stumbles.
It’s one thing to intellectually understand that vulnerability can be powerful. It’s another thing to lean into it. Vulnerability, by definition, feels uncomfortable. Like most tricky things in life, it takes practice, and it’s nuanced. We don’t suggest rushing into it, or oversharing before you’re ready. You can start off small and see how you go.
Vulnerability comes from knowing yourself — and examining your own childhood, patterns and triggers. What makes you feel vulnerable? What patterns have you noticed in your life? Spend some time reflecting on your own behaviours. This can help you build self-acceptance, which can over time help you feel more comfortable with vulnerability.
It’s hard to be vulnerable if you’re living out of alignment with your values, or wearing a mask all the time. Try asking yourself these questions:
What do you care most about in life?
How do you want to show up each day?
How do you want to make people feel?
What values do you want to live by?
Start with small, low-stakes disclosures. Something as simple as “jeez, that project was hard, wasn’t it?” counts. Often, it’s as simple as naming your emotions and being honest — while still being respectful. Think: “I’m feeling a bit flat today” as opposed to “everything sucks!”.
You don’t need to figure everything out yourself. Crowdsource tips and advice from friends. Let them know when you’re grappling with a challenge — just give it a go. See what they say, and see how you feel after. Over time, you’ll build insight around who is supportive, and who you’d rather not share information with — it’s a bit like gathering data.
Being vulnerable doesn’t mean oversharing or dropping all your walls. Set some clear boundaries around what you will or won’t talk about — this goes back to living in alignment with your values. Then let the mask slip a little, when it makes sense, and see how you feel.
Vulnerability is a ‘soft’ skill, but it’s by no means weak. It’s strong to live authentically and ask for support. It’s strong to try new things and fail, and to build resilience after setbacks. Lean into the vulnerability paradox and see where it takes you.