Understanding people’s motivations strengthens connection
When it comes to communication, it’s easy to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about ourselves. What is our body language suggesting? Are we speaking clearly? Are we making enough eye contact? These thoughts can subconsciously consume a lot of energy, zapping around our minds as we try to connect with the people around us.
Paying close attention to how we hold ourselves is important, but research suggests that it’s helpful to zoom out and put yourself in others’ shoes. Understanding what motivates the people you’re communicating with or presenting to can help you make subtle shifts in your communication style to meet them where they’re at.
According to this 2024 study by Aunger and colleagues, there are 15 ‘forces’ that motivate humans to act in certain ways. These are: hoard, create, fear, disgust, hunger, comfort, lust, attract, love, nurture, curiosity, play, affiliate, status, and justice.
It’s probably not wise to use these as launchpads for a conversation (unless you’re very comfortable with the other person). It would be awkward to ask “are you in the mood for play today?” before starting a conversation or presentation, let alone some of the other drivers on this list!
But the reason this research is worth understanding is because it’s a powerful reminder that there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to motivation. What drives you is likely very different from what drives other people. Keeping this top of mind can help you avoid falling into the very common (and very human!) trap of assuming someone will care about something simply because you do.
As your relationships deepen, you’ll start to pick up on what motivates others, and simply understanding this will help you to strengthen your connection. Our vast differences in motivation can seem overwhelming at times, but one thing’s for certain: it keeps life, and relationships, interesting.