As wellbeing conversations become more commonplace at work and home, it’s helpful to know what to do if someone confides in you. There are several things you can say and do to help someone feel supported.
Here are some tips to help you navigate your next wellbeing conversation.
If a conversation starts out of the blue, take a breath. Observe whether you’re in the right state of mind to listen. Are you feeling calm and undistracted? Do you have to rush off anywhere? Can you give your undivided attention? If it’s not a good time, ask to reschedule. You may hinder the situation if you try to listen while distracted.
Here is some wording you could use to reschedule: “Thanks for reaching out to me. It means a lot and I want to be there for you 100%. I can’t talk right now, but I will be available at [time]. I will call you back then. Is that OK?”
Make sure you’re in a good place to have a sensitive conversation. Are you at risk of being overheard? Are there too many distractions? If the setting is detrimental, move if you can, or consider rescheduling.
When someone starts talking, show that you’re listening attentively through body language and small acknowledgements.
Here are some ways to show you’re actively listening:
Listen without distractions – e.g., put away your phone, turn off the TV, mute the radio in the car
If possible, turn towards the speaker. Come to their level (i.e., if they are sitting, sit next to them facing them)
Respond with open, affirming, non-judgemental statements such as “I see” or “I understand”
Ask appropriate, non-judgemental questions, such as “how did that make you feel?” or “could you tell me a little more about that?”
Practise affirming body language such as facial expressions to match the emotions and open posture
When it’s your turn to talk, try to avoid offering advice or solutions. Instead, summarise what they’ve shared. Paraphrasing helps people feel heard and understood.
Examples of paraphrasing include:
I hear that coping with _____ has been really _____ and you’re feeling _____
What I’m hearing is that you’re going through _____ and feeling _____
I can see that you’re _____ and feeling _____
Thank the other person for confiding in you. Reassure them that this conversation isn’t too much for you and you’re here to listen.
It’s daunting opening up, especially in the workplace. Reassure people that you genuinely want to hear what’s going on in their world.
Here are some phrases to use when offering reassurance:
I’m a safe place, I’m happy to listen
Thank you for confiding in me
I’m glad you’ve told me
When someone confides in you, it’s natural to want to help. After all, human beings are hardwired to care for one another!
But it’s important to remember that other people’s challenges are not yours to fix. If you go into problem-solving mode, you could risk invalidating someone’s experience.
The most helpful thing you can do is listen. Giving someone the opportunity to talk about their wellbeing is a gift itself. Science shows talking about wellbeing activates the part of the brain that regulates emotions and helps them feel less intense.
Sometimes, someone might share something that indicates they would benefit from professional help.
Here are some support services you could suggest:
At work, recommend and/or direct them to EAP services
Prompt and/or drive them to their GP
Suggest they call or text 1737 (NZ’s free 24/7 helpline) or call 1800 512 348 (Beyond Blue’s helpline in Australia)
It’s common for people to feel ‘frozen’ if they’re struggling with their mental health, so you might need to check in and encourage help several times before they take action. It may also be helpful to offer to sit with them while they call to make an appointment.
Some wellbeing conversations can take an enormous amount of emotional energy. It’s important to protect your own wellbeing while supporting others. After a conversation, make sure you do something for you. Plan a self-care activity that fills your cup and helps you regulate your emotions, such as deep breathing, exercise, journaling, or speaking to someone you trust.