The trouble with online connection
This Mental Health Awareness Week is all about belonging. The 2026 theme, Belonging Matters, recognises that we all need connection in our lives.
If you’re in your teens or 20s, a lot of socialising might happen online — through DMs and group chats, sharing reels, gaming or just keeping up with what everyone’s doing. Increasingly, that’s true for older generations, too.
But the ease of online socialising is creating an interesting phenomenon, where people can have hundreds of followers and dozens of online interactions a day, but still feel lonely. Does that mean we should all turn off our phones and go back to prioritising IRL connections? The reality is a little more nuanced.
As more research into online socialising emerges, it shows that it’s rarely as simple as online vs. in real life. Here are some of the key themes.
Being online isn’t automatically bad for your social life (even if it can get a bad rap). Research with young adults found online interaction can make it easier to stay in touch, particularly when friends live far apart. It can also help friends stay part of each other’s everyday lives — checking in, sharing funny things or gaming together — when meeting up isn’t practical. And for some people, having more time to think and respond can make it easier to open up online.
One study of more than 1,800 adults found different forms of online communication were linked with different outcomes. Voice calls and video chats were associated with greater life satisfaction, while ‘leaner’ forms of communication — such as texting and messaging — were linked with greater frustration around maintaining relationships.
Then there are the people you know who don’t know you. When you follow someone for long enough, they can start to feel familiar. Constant exposure to their friends, opinions and routines — even what they had for breakfast — can create a sense that you know them. These parasocial relationships can provide genuine comfort and company, but they’re still one-sided.
You can have plenty of people around you — online or offline — and still feel lonely. Loneliness isn’t simply about being alone. It’s the gap between the meaningful connection you want and what you actually have. That also means there’s no ‘right’ number of friends to aim for: some people need a lot of social contact, while others are perfectly happy with much less.
The research shows that you don’t need to quit social media or delete all your apps. A few small shifts can help.
If there’s someone you regularly message but rarely see, suggest something specific: coffee after class, a walk, studying together or tagging along to something you’re already doing.
If you’ve been messaging back and forth all week, mix it up. Send a voice note or FaceTime.
Work, a uni club, volunteering, sport, a regular class — anywhere you keep seeing the same people gives acquaintances a chance to become something more.
Connection doesn’t have to mean sitting across from each other and having a serious conversation. Often, doing an activity together — like hiking, playing a board game, or even just strolling around the shops — can make it easier to open up.
Try not to focus on your follower count or the number of people you’re interacting with, in person or online. Instead, reflect on how each connection makes you feel — and seek out more time with the people who make you feel supported, heard and seen. Whether that’s online or offline.