Friends and relatives are precious. And just like us, they can experience their share of ups and downs.
When people you care about are experiencing mental health challenges, it’s natural to want to help. But knowing exactly how can be tricky.
What if you say the wrong thing and upset them more?
The below tips* are designed to help you navigate sensitive conversations next time you’re lending an ear to a loved one.
*If you feel their problems require serious and/or immediate attention, please support them to contact a mental health professional by tapping the lifering in the top right of the Groov app.
If you don’t feel strong enough or capable of holding space for a loved one right now, it’s OK to move the conversation to another time or to suggest they speak to someone else who is in a better frame of mind.
It’s really important you’re able to be present in the conversation and truly listen, or you might do more damage. So pay attention to your energy levels and capacity for hearing – and ask for help if you need.
Giving people the chance to talk about what’s on their mind is a gift. You don’t need to have all the answers – and you won’t/shouldn’t! Listening is a way of showing someone else that they matter and you’re there for them.
Try to let them do most of the talking and don’t feel like you have to offer advice or solutions (unless they specifically ask for your help). Simply saying things like ‘I hear you’ or ‘that must be difficult’ is extremely valuable to someone who is feeling vulnerable.
Reassure people that sharing what’s going on for them is not a burden for you. People often resist talking about their issues or state of mind because they don’t want to add to your load. Explain that you want to listen to what they have to say. Remind them that they are sharing in a safe space and what you discuss together wouldn’t go beyond the room/your conversation.
Reassure often and make it clear that you can handle what they are sharing with you. It’s also essential that you can be accepting and not judgemental of what they tell you.
It’s not up to you to solve their problems, or make everything better, or have any of the answers, but you can help them take the next step – whatever that may be.
They need to make the choice about the type of action they want to take (if any at all), but perhaps you could help them find out what their options are, offer to be there with them when they call to make an appointment, or even drive them to and from an appointment.
Sometimes one conversation isn’t enough, or they might say they’re going to get help but don’t. Often when people are in distress, they feel frozen, and find it difficult to move forward.
Keep checking in with them and mentally prepare that it may take some time. It’s important to not feel frustrated or impatient that they haven’t taken any action to help their situation/feelings.
Being there for loved ones experiencing mental health challenges can be really hard, so ensure you prioritise time to refill your own tank and do things you enjoy.
Remind yourself that looking after you will actually benefit the friend or family member you’re helping – as you’ll be in a better headspace to listen and support them, without feelings of resentment or annoyance creeping in.
If the conversations you’re having with your friend/family member are particularly heavy, here’s some ideas to help you recover.